In a world that constantly pressures us to be flawless and conform to unrealistic standards, many of us find ourselves trapped in an unattainable quest for perfection. This relentless pursuit takes a toll on our happiness and hinders our personal growth. In this blog post, I explore why I think your unwavering pursuit of perfection could be stealing your joy and impacting your journey towards growth and fulfilment.
The Pitfalls of Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword. While it may drive us to succeed (the good side), it can also cause harm to our well-being and prevents us from fully experiencing life (the not-so-good side). When we constantly strive for perfection, we set impossible standards that inevitably lead to disappointment. In our pursuit of appearing flawless, we can find ourselves in a never-ending cycle of self-criticism, self-doubt, and fear of failure. Ask anyone who suffers or suffered from High Functioning Anxiety, these people are everywhere in society. They are often leaders in their organisations. Why are they a good fit? Because, unlike people with general anxiety, they don’t do the flight response, they stay and fight. Fighting oftentimes for perfection. To not let the side down. They can be workaholics. Organisations love them because they almost refuse to fail at tasks.
The Elusive Nature of Perfection
Perfection is an illusion— imagine it like the mirage on the horizon. One that promises fulfilment but remains forever out of reach, just like the water well or oasis – you never get there. Perfection tricks us into believing that if we can just achieve a certain level of flawlessness, we will finally be happy and accepted. However, the reality is that perfection is an unattainable goal. The more we chase it, the more it slips through our fingers, leaving us feeling inadequate and dissatisfied. This is the scourge felt by the high-functioning anxious individual. Do you want to know what chasing that oasis feels like if let spiral for too long? Tiredness. Excruciating tiredness, also known as burnout.
The Joy of Embracing Imperfection
When we get lost in the relentless pursuit of perfection, we often overlook the good that comes from embracing our imperfections. It is through our flaws and vulnerabilities that we connect with our own humanity and the humanity of others. Our imperfections are what make us relatable, genuine, and unique. By embracing imperfection, we open ourselves up to new possibilities, self-acceptance, and authentic connections. I know when I realised this or when it came to a head, I metaphorically threw the pile of papers on my desk, from all the projects I had on the go, up into the air and shouted out of frustration. Once done, and silence returned (in my head) I noticed a stillness. I noticed that by not being perfect – the world didn’t stop turning. I noticed all the things around me. Things I was too busy to notice before. And I haven’t stopped noticing since.
The Toll on Happiness and Well-being
As I said, the relentless pursuit of perfection takes a toll on our happiness and well-being. It feeds anxiety, stress, and a constant sense of never measuring up. We become trapped in a cycle of comparison, self-criticism, and dissatisfaction. Our self-worth becomes dependent on external validation, leaving us vulnerable to the opinions of others. Even if we aren’t being invalidated or spoken negatively of, even if others do think we are doing well, this can occur completely in our own minds. This never-ending pursuit of perfection drains our energy, dampens our spirit, and prevents us from truly savouring the present moment.
The Power of Embracing Growth
Instead of being fixated on perfection, what if we shifted our focus to growth? Growth is a real journey— it is a continuous process of learning, evolving, and becoming the best version of ourselves (to use a cliché). It allows us to celebrate progress, acknowledge setbacks as valuable lessons, and appreciate the transformative power of small steps forward. With each small step of growth, we can measure them, because they are tangible. Instead of wearing the mask of being all-knowing, of being unflappable, and perfect, if we embrace growth, we, therefore, free ourselves from the suffocating and crippling constraints of perfection. We can then create space for more self-compassion, understanding, personal development, and genuine fulfilment in whatever we are doing.
Embracing Imperfection and Finding Joy
Embracing imperfection is a liberating choice—one that allows us to break free from the chains of perfectionism and experience true joy. When you get to that “throwing your hands up moment”, or whatever it looks like for you, you’ll be more accepting of yourself as an imperfect person, celebrating your strengths, and recognising that mistakes and failures are part of the human experience. Not only does embracing imperfection open the door to self-acceptance, it helps create a connection with others. You see, what it has taken you this long to realise, was already known by others – they’ve been waiting for the penny to drop inside you, and they will surely welcome and celebrate this shift in you.
Reframing Success and Setting Realistic Standards
To escape the perfectionist mindset, we need to redefine or reframe what success looks like – to us, and set realistic standards for our own success. This part is easy, once you analyse the situation you’re in. All success should be measured by progress, personal growth, and the pursuit of authenticity, rather than an unattainable ideal. If you were gauging success off other people or possessions, you’ll definitely need to redefine what it will look like for you. By redefining and setting realistic standards, you will start to prioritise self-care, celebrate achievements (tangible ones), and find fulfilment in the journey (your journey), rather than fixating on an inflexible outcome.
Embrace Imperfection, Embrace Life
Knowing that perfection is an unwinnable race, one where you just constantly run laps – with no designated finish line.
But also knowing that you, my friend, have a finite amount of time to commit to this folly.
Ask yourself: How much more of my precious time am I willing to run this tired race?
When you decide that you have had enough – STOP! & THROW YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR
Séamus
